


At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself  {Talking to the moon, tryin' to get to you}

by Blueeyedlistener



Series: Alec's Stories (Also including Riku) [16]
Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:13:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8466655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueeyedlistener/pseuds/Blueeyedlistener
Summary: I never said this was going to be good.I also got inspired by "Talking to The Moon" by Bruno Mars to finally write this, whoops.It's not technically a "surprise party" but I mean,Surprise, lmao.





	

_Year 1._

Today marked a year. A year after one of the worst days Alec was sure he'd ever face; The day he lost his older brother. Kayden and their parents kept a distance from Alec as they knew he was the closest out of all of them to Riku. Alec slept through most of the day, not wanting to get out of bed as he had tossed and turned most of the previous night; Mom, Dad and Kayden sat around and reminisced memories ranging from the very beginning to the most recent ones and even pondered what he'd say if he saw them talking now. Riku's death hit them hard as well but that didn't stop them from feeling slightly guilty that they didn't seem to be as sad as Alec had. 

That night, Alec waited for the others to go to bed as he snuck to Riku's room. Holding the doorknob in his hand, Alec stared into the untouched room as he tried to catch his breath. Dust had started to cover the objects taking space in the room. He stepped in, closed the door behind him and paused; Quietly looking around again, he gently sat down on the edge of the bed and took in all of it though the room just didn't feel the same anymore. It was too empty and too cold. 

Glancing to the window, Alec carefully opened it as he looked up to the sky. Something about the stars and the way they filled up the night sky alongside the moon just seemed to calm him, though he couldn't explain it. He knelt down to his knees as he placed his head upon his folded arms; Within seconds, he had started talking. Nothing too specific; Just stated that he was continuing his lessons though they had become a little more difficult without Riku there to help and correct him. That it didn't feel the same without him there. That even though he should have been used to Riku being gone, it still hurt him as if it had been that very day all over again. 

Alec didn't recall it, but as the night progressed and he slowly become drowsier, he had fallen asleep with his back against the wall and his head leaning against the open windowsill. 

_Year 2._

Things were a little easier. Alec was up and moving compared to the previous year but he still wasn't ready completely. Talking about old memories still hurt, just too much for Alec to deal with without bursting into tears which he had grown to hate. The days had regulated somewhat back to how they used to be, but certain topics or events were avoided by him; Not because he didn't want to be involved, but because it still didn't feel right to him without Riku being there. The ones he did go to, he didn't bother to socialize very much. He tried, really he did, but the conversations often took turns that he just didn't want to go with; Often when questions like "How have things been going for you since the death?" , "Taking the death well?".   
  
"The Death." That's what they called it when they didn't know anything about Riku but had heard about it here and there. Alec hated it. Hearing it phrased like that made him feel sick to his stomach and as far as he was concerned, he didn't have to explain a damn thing to them though as to not be rude, he'd simply nod and respond with the generic answer of "I'm alright." or any of that line. There had been this new emotion building up-Anger, was it? At least that's what he thought it might've been. He hadn't experienced it often so it was new but it didn't feel bad. Not as bad as it used to in the past. 

Later that night, whether by unconscious instinct or by a feeling of guilt, he waited til everyone was asleep before sneaking back into Riku's room for the second year as he had a conversation with the moon in the starry night sky before unintentionally falling asleep. 

_Year 3._

Breakfast was cooked, the house was cleaned and everyone had gathered around the living room as they watched a list of movies that they had watched with Riku in the past that it didn't seem he disliked too much. As the hours passed and the day played out as per usual, they all slowly separated. Mom and Dad continued on with their regular daily tasks as Kayden went out and played some basketball with some friends he had met from his work; Alec had time alone and he didn't want it. 

He didn't let it be obvious as he had learned to hide his feelings better through time, although his anger was becoming difficult to control and he was beginning to falter. Everyone hibernated to their rooms a little earlier than usual, and Alec walked out of the house out to a small utility room off to the side of the yard that had been used as storage more than anything else. Shutting the door behind him, he took a few deep breaths. For fear of accidentally taking it out on someone close to him, he had gone out and bought a punching bag just for nights like this. 

He thought it was funny-almost ironic. As much as Alec hated conflict amongst pain and any type of injury, here he was intentionally pushing it all aside. After a few seconds, he punched the bag as hard as he could though it didn't move very much. Cursing himself momentarily, he shook his fist as he wasn't accustomed to the shock that came with it though, it didn't feel too bad. Throwing another punch, he allowed himself to recall memories from the past as he could feel his anger take control. Alec even allowed himself to finally break down. 

He could've prevented it, He should've. Regardless of the little-to-nothing chance he had to prevent it, it didn't stop him from blaming himself. Riku had been there for him countless times and yet, he wasn't there anymore and Alec still wasn't okay with it. He should've been okay by now. He should've been over his death, but he couldn't let go of it. Alec felt as if him getting over Riku's death would be letting go of Riku, and that scared him. No. That wasn't right. 

Alec was  _terrified_ ~~~~ ~~~~of letting go. What if as the years passed, he accidentally forgot about Riku? What if him letting go came off as if he didn't care? What if him letting go meant him letting go of his brother? Stopping to allow himself to catch his breath, his looked down at his knuckles. Blood had begun to run down the sides of his fingers and his arms and even dripped onto the floor as the anger he felt had caused him to block out the pain along with the adrenaline rush he was feeling. Stumbling, he began to realize how wore out he had become from the physical activity. Sitting against the windowsill found in the utility room, he placed the back on his head against it enough for him to look up at the moon and the stars as the tears continued to roll down his cheeks. _"I'm so sorry... brother.."_

_Year 4._

Everything had become so much easier. Alec didn't have random bursts of crying at the thought of old memories, and he could finally deal with handling strawberries without being depressed by the incoming thoughts from them. The days had become brighter, and though it was still a challenge of taking it day by day, Alec even got rid of the anger and guilt eating away at him. Mom, Dad, and Kayden were happy that he had regained who he used to be. 

Instead, Alec developed a habit of just writing small little notes or letters in a notebook that he kept next to his bed. It seemed stupid to most, sure, but as far as he was concerned it allowed him to feel as if he was talking to Riku somehow and that's all he needed. He had moved his bed in front of the window so when the moon was up and the stars were out, he could use the light to write and it calmed him as it did when he would lean against the windowsill. Though, just when he thought he was finally okay, he lost it once again. 

Alec was cleaning up the kitchen from cooking lunch and was preparing everything to cook dinner when he got a sudden feeling; A feeling he hadn't had for a long time. Something seemed off.Turning to look behind him with some pans in his hand, he froze as his grip released and the pans dropped to the floor causing nothing but noise. "Nice fucking move there, kid." Alec stared at the figure in front of him that he knew all too well with a look of disbelief; He was also pretty sure that any color he had to his skin had left and he looked as if he had "Seen a ghost" which it felt like he was. Closing his eyes for a few moments as he spoke to himself, he re-opened them only to see the figure still there. Mom, Dad, and Kayden came rushing into the room and all came to a halt as they soon saw the figure as well.   
  
The room was silent shortly before it finally sunk in to everyone. Alec grabbed the male who was now standing in the room with them in a tight hug as he did just like when he was younger;Kayden followed lead moments after as he realized his oldest brother was finally there with them again. Mom stood covering her mouth as she tried to stifle back her gasps from her sobbing before slowly walking over and joining in the what was now a group hug. Their father stood for a moment as a smile grew on his face and he walked over and carefully placed a hand on Riku's shoulder. Alec didn't feel the tears that had started soaking into Riku's clothing, and neither did Kayden as far as all they were concerned about-as far as all of them were concerned- was that their son and their brother had returned. 

If they had all gone insane slowly and this was all just a mind trick, so be it. Right now, they just wanted to take it the fact that he was there even if just for now.

**Author's Note:**

> I never said this was going to be good.  
> I also got inspired by "Talking to The Moon" by Bruno Mars to finally write this, whoops.
> 
> It's not technically a "surprise party" but I mean,  
> Surprise, lmao.


End file.
